The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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