well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize