Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
