turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
