I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
