i need an iv and a liver transplant
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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