the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Randomize
