youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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