Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
