I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
