make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
