Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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