And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
