That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
