she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
We named our party play list daddy issues
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
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