Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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