I'm laying in your front yard are you home
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
