So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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