I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
