i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
