just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
