Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
