Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I wish I only lived at night.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
