Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize