Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
