Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Randomize
