yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
