There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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