Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize