Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
