I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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