Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
