your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
