I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
