Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
