fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I want to be your penis for a week.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
