Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
