so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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