Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
