oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
