Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
