she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
