remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Shame - the story of my life.
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