Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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