he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
