I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
