i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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