MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize