So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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