I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
