You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize