My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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