i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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