I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Randomize
