im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
