Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Apparently you make a good broom.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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