They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
