You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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