His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
