I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
