If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
