Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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