You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
