There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize