yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
