Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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