I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Randomize
