I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
