I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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